For the past few weeks, I’ve been working my way (albeit slowly) through Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne. It’s a wonderful parenting book, full of positive inspiration, and none of the silent judgement that sometimes emanates from parenting books. Put simply, it is a lovely book.
Inspired by it, for the past few weeks, I’ve also been trying to pare down our stuff: the accoutrements that accompany our lives as parents, children, spouses, homeowners, and everything else that we are. I started by tackling the toys. I don’t feel I’m there yet, but I have put all of the most offensive toys into the hall closet – ready for quick evacuation. I’ve been waiting for the kids to ask for them back, or for me to go seeking them.
So far, I’ve had one half-hearted request for the giant plastic truck (that we were guilted into buying, by a “helpful” manager at the thrift shop), and one for a plastic toy cell phone. As far as I can tell, they’ve both been replaced by substitutes (although it might be a bit hopeful to think they have been entirely forgotten). So, I think a trip to the thrift store (dropping off, not shopping!) is in order this week.
One of the major impetuses (I don’t think I’ve ever used that word plurally, apparently it’s possible), for the big clean-out, was a comment from a member, Kristin of Gypsy Junk (check out her blog, it’s lovely), that since cutting down on her kids’ toys, she saves so much time and mental energy by not having to clean them up. That did it for me. And, it’s true. All the bits and pieces were driving me batty. When I asked myself, why I was doing it to myself, scrambling to find a home for all of the cards, marbles, cars, etc., I realized, hey, I don’t have to do this!
So, we’re a work in progress. We still have way to much stuff, but now, at least, I am starting to feel more in control. And, I hope the kids are, too. Another attempt should have us with a manageable amount of “stuff” to work with. This week, I hope to tackle the closets. All of them. Of course, mine will be the hardest…
And so, the greater point, what is all this stuff teaching our children? Even though we rarely buy toys (or anything these days, for that matter) when we are out, my son still covets things he sees. He’s four, and already, he’s got a consumer’s mindset. When he wants something, he has taken to asking us to go out and buy it – now! This, more than anything has made me take a step back and evaluate.
It’s more than getting stuff at a good deal, or secondhand, or even paring down on stuff. It’s an entire attitude shift that, let’s face it, will put us at odds with society around us. A friend and member posted a Facebook update today, that echoed all of these thoughts. She lamented the culture of gifts, that people assume that kids need presents – that people need presents – to show that they care. As a recovering chronic gifter, I concur. I’ve always loved giving gifts, but the older I get, the more conscious I get. I don’t want to blindly purchase gifts, especially for children. As a parent, I always value time, and gifts of service over stuff. And I know how hard it is to integrate more stuff into our home.
I know we’re not there yet, but I look forward to the day when we don’t feel like we really want anything (not that we have everything, just that we’re satisfied by not having it). A walk outside always trumps a trip to the mall. A cup of tea with a friend, trumps shopping therapy. Art for process trumps art for creation of more stuff. Now, I know I’m rambling, so I think I’ll stop there and just say that I’m working on breaking the cyle of consumerism, at least in this family.
How do you feel about “stuff?” Are you a collector? How do you consciously attempt to break the cycle of consumerism in your family? Do you? Are you snowed under? Or a happy minimalist?
When we had our first kid we moved into a 384 square foot home. It was perfect!! With limited space it was easy to just tell others that we couldn’t have all the ‘gifts.’ In fact we had 3 baskets that fit under the bed and that is what her toys fit in.
Last year we moved into a house significantly bigger and the first holiday was a complete overload of gifts. It was almost like our family finally was getting the green light. I now live in a complete mess- the oldest kid once played so much with the few toys she had and now I feel is overwhelmed with all the junk that she doesn’t know how to play.
I too have been paring down. I do have some slight guilt as my daughter also 4 sees what others have and wants. I know in my heart that the time I spend with her is more valuable but in a culture full of consumerism I do feel a tug to buy her the stuff too.
Yes, I agree, sometimes it’s hard to say no, when everyone else says yes! Somehow, we’ve avoided this so far. My son seems to understand that we have some things, his friends have others. But, his friends’ families also have similar outlooks to us, so it helps. We are all trying to pare down on stuff together – which makes for a great support network! I think that’s another benefit of homeschooling, they’re kept out of the consumer loop just a little longer…
This is exactly what I’ve been trying to get across in my last few posts (in a round-about-way.) Addressing consumerism and looking at why we put such a high value on stuff. If individuals will look at what is most important in their lives, then paring down becomes very easy. Learning to be happy with what truely is important in our lives. I continue to enjoy your blog and look forward to each new post
Thanks for your comments, Jamie. Yes, part of all of this, for us, has been a few years of taking a long hard look at our values as individuals and as a family. We’ve made significant changes (including the decision to homeschool) as a result! I’ll have to check out your posts on the subject.
I was ALSO seriously inspired by Kristen’s comment about not spending so much time cleaning.
When you first posted about Simplicity Parenting, I had just bought it myself, and although I’ve only spent time getting into the first two chapters, I’ve already been inspired to change our way of living. These inspirations (that both my husband and I have) have come through discussions over the past many months about simplicity, generosity, and consumerism. So we’ve been doing some crazy purging here too. I started with the toys as well and now have a small mountain of boxes and garbage bags ready to go to the thrift store. We were pretty ruthless, and the kids are as happy as we are, strangely! And my perception is that we have already not accumulated TOO much stuff (at least compared to many families that we have encountered in our area).
As for gifting, this has been a tough one over the past few years, because people REALLY DO like to give a lot of “stuff” to the kids. Add a kids’ birthday party a few times a year and we are overloaded with Walmart junk again!! A friend of mine recently had her daughter’s birthday party and made it a twoonie partie. Instead of a gift, all the kids bring a twoonie (am I spelling that right?) and the birthday kid gets to choose one item that they can buy. An expanded version, which Reesa already wants to do on her birthday in the summer, is for people to bring two twoonies. One goes towards a gift, and one to a charity of the birthday kid’s choice. (Reesa has selected hers already!) I can’t wait to try it out. Woo hoo!!
Anyway, thanks for this post. I’ll be sharing it on FB.
Hey! That’s what we’ve done for the past 2 years for Dylan’s birthday: 2 twoonies. He actually has chosen (both times) to donate all the money to WWF. They send a little certificate and stuffed animal (yeah, more stuff) in the mail, so it’s kind of a present, but he’s giving to animals. He loves choosing which animal he’ll give to. And then, we talk about that animal and do some reading and research about them, too. It’s a great tradition to start – and since the kids haven’t known any different, they never expect gifts to be a part of the birthday party.
Thanks for your insights. So fun to see another family (and friend!) taking such a similar journey. Let me reiterate – let’s get together soon!
We recently added a foster son to our family. He was already crawling when he came to us. I had to put away a lot of toys that were dangerous for him. What a relief for me and my daughter. It is so nice to have less and my daughter doesn’t miss them at all. I am inspired to keep it simple. I love what she is playing with now. She is choosing more of the nature stuff we bring in from our walks, and she is using more of her imagination.
Cool! What a nice bi-product of baby-proofing. It’s so great to see them thrive with less, and start to play more creatively, isn’t it? Hope all is going well with your foster son. He’s adorable. What a wonderful thing to be able to do.
Haha! Thanks for the shout out! 😉 “Simplify, simplify!”
Great post Kelly. This is an issue my husband and I have been talking and talking about. Neither of us has ever really enjoyed ‘shopping’, but still find we have somehow accumulated.
We are culling at the moment too. I’ve asked my son to go through his toys and decide what he would like to give to other kids who don’t have many toys, and he was surprisingly good with this.
My biggest challenge is encouraging people to not buy the kids things all the time. I’ve chatted to family about how the kids enjoy just seeing and spending time with them. They don’t need to be given presents to do it! And if the family member really wants to give something, why not an experience – like go on a picnic or visit the zoo with the kids… anyway we are slowly working on it.
And I really must check out that book! Thanks for your inspirational post
So timely!
Glad you liked it. Yes, I’m a huge fan of experience gifts. There are so many things we’d love to do together! It’s funny, it feels like we’re all on the same journey. Perhaps it’s a good sign for society in general… Here’s hoping!
We live in a small space, too, so it’s been a bit easier to convince the family to go easy on gifts. We also give them ideas. I know some think it’s rude but I know as the giver I prefer when people tell me what the need and want — I don’t want to get them something useless! So right now we get clothes, books (I encourage them to look at our amazon wish list because we want to keep our home library in control), and classes/experiences. For Christmas the grandparents got my 4-year-old daughter an art class. She LOVED it! We sent gifts of her artwork to the grandparents and we’re making a little book with pictures of her and the art she made. I’m so glad my family is willing to go along with it because we are all so much happier for it!
Yes, classes make a brilliant gift! Especially art classes (that turn into homemade gifts, what a great idea!). Small spaces are a good excuse to curb the accumulation of stuff aren’t they? Thanks for your comments. =)
I am printing this out and reading and rereading it until I get moving!
It’s spring…time to lighten our loads.
So glad you love it. I think I may need to print and re-read it myself (I’m looking at a pared down pile of stuff strewn about the house)…